Life and death. It’s funny how much you start to think about life and death sitting in the surgery waiting room, scared shitless hoping that the doctor really knows what they are doing to your loved one, and how many times they have done this type of surgery. You know, all the things you forgot to ask while at your pre-op appointment. There are always two sides to a coin, there’s the side of life and the side of death, and either way you toss it you both are possible. I hate that I can sit here on wonder what life will be like if the person is missing, how awful it might be, how lonely, and how things change. Life scares me, and death is always looming. But I get you can’t always go around living your life in fear, because if that was the case wouldn’t being dead be better? I don’t know this is me just rambling on about whatever, this is me scared and nervous.

under construction…coming soon 2009 :b

As some of you may know I have been trying to figure out different ways to increase my brain power and hide the noticeable signs of being dyslexic. Well I was really thinking about it this morning and I know that how I do certain things can effect my mind. Like exercising, most people know that it creates a good blood flow through out your body and your brain. But, I was thinking there has to be so much more to it than just that. Working out can decrease the symptoms of depression and increases positive moods, yes I know, DUH, right? Well what is it exactly about exercise makes it possible the lead a happier healthier life? Exercise increases levels of serotonin, dopamine and norepinephrine. Neurotransmitters are what regulates many functions, including mood, appetite, and sensory perception. But working just once won’t do you any good, you must be up and active for a least 30 mins a day or 60 mins twice a week. In addition to working out, not only will it substantially decrease the side affects of depressions, it will also positively affect self image and self esteem. If you combine exercising with social involvement and life long learning activities anyone can lead a proactive life. Listed below are some good anaerobic exercise ideas that are great for body and mind the ones that are starred are good exercises with those who may have back problems or just stubborn muscle aches. Good Luck and enjoy!

• Yoga* Stretching is always good to relieve muscle pain REMEMBER if you have muscle pain after working out or stretching it is always best to keep the muscles warm if not your muscles will tense up! TIP: Try a heating pad on low or warm compresses with a wash cloth.)
• Running: beginners run for about 8 mins walk for 4mins.
• Jumping Rope
• Swimming*: (People with back problems use a kick board.)
• Weight Lifting: ( Don’t try to lift the heaviest possible. Use light weight 3 sets of 15 this way you won’t tire yourself as fast.)
• Bike riding
• Sit ups and Push ups

After a good workout to decrease stress even more try stretching out in the steam room or the sauna for about 10 mins. Also remember to drink plenty of water, keep yourself hydrated!

I don’t know what it is about reality tv that makes everyone want to tune in every week to see what is going to happen on the show. It seems that this country needs some kind of “drama fix” now-a-days. If you haven’t noticed reality tv has turned out to be not so real, everything looks completely scripted all the way to the last chick fight and tear. But why do we care so much about if Tila Tequila is going to pick a girl or a guy, or who she’s going to pick at all. Or what hoe Flavor Flave is going to pick and who cares about who’s your baby’s daddy. What’s the point of these shows? They’re so stupid yet we tune in every week, we all know that they mind numbing shows that show no purpose and serve no real educational value. What happened to all the cool game shows like the ones in the 90’s? Like Double Dare that was always fun and look how fit the kids were back then, Why? Because they had to run around to win the prizes, it’s the ol’ carrot tied to the stick tactic ” You better move your butt if you want to get the prize”. Legend of the Hidden Temple, was another fun game, it was actually made you think. Well I guess what I’m trying to get at is what happened to shouting out the answers to the questions and really having to think. Instead of just sitting on our butts watching people get drunk, watching everyone stab each other in the back, just creating drama. And we wonder why American’s don’t seem so up to par educational wise with other countries. Think about it the next time you’re watching the Real World, or should I say the UNreal World. Go watch The Discovery Channel.

Last night I experienced on of the most frustrating situations ever. I got into an argument with one of the most important people in my life. No biggy right? Wrong. The argument is not what got to me, it’s not being able to explain myself. I know a lot of you guys will agree when I say “well dyslexia has nothing to do with being at a loss for words.” While that is true, it’s still effects a person with dyslexia greatly in my opinion. From my point of view it is way more frustrating because, as for me, I completely shut down. I just want the world to go away and be alone at that moment. I can’t tell my words from words, my numbers from numbers, emotions from, well I think you understand what I’m getting at.

When I have someone asking me what’s wrong or when I just want to flat out make my point, I always have an answer but it’s always so hard to say in words. I mean I can’t just go growling and screaming at people and saying “That’s how I feel” or “That’s the point I was trying to make” that would just make me look like a crazy person. I’ve tried to write down everything, I have books upon books of writing, I love to write but my writing is so depressing. I’m always asked “Why don’t you write something happy” well, when i write something happy it turns out like crap. When I write something sad and depressing its really go but, it doesn’t make me feel any better. So as you can see I’m stuck between a rock and a hard place. I’m still trying to figure out if my problem with not being able to fully explain myself is coming from being dyslexic or if just the “normal” part of me. Well, right not I know I have to make up for what I have done last night because it was a stupid argument and I take full blame, yes, for all you men out there that think that women think that they are always right Hell just froze over because I know it was my fault.

For those who don’t know what dyslexia is, it’s a disability that effects the way a person writes, sees and understands things. Most people believe that dyslexia is just seeing letters backwards, and not knowing how to read or write, well I’m here to tell you it is so much more than that. Dyslexia is not limited to the last three things that I mentioned, its a disability that effects the way you understand the world as it is. As for me, I have three types of dyslexia: Comprehension, putting steps in order (example: math formulas), and simple spelling. I am also a slow reader but I think that has a lot to do with comprehension. From second to sixths grade I went to a special school for kids with such disabilities.

While at this disability school they teach you how to read and write in such a way become a little bit of a disadvantage. Growing up I learned to spell by “sounding it out” which doesn’t always work, for example take the word “the”, sounding out the word the is not written the way it is spelled, meaning, I used to write “thu” and not “the”. This was probably the most frustrating thing to have to go through growing up, even till this day it frustrates me to the point of crying. Sometime dyslexia is really hard to deal with, you have to study three times harder, practice almost everything. I hear myself saying “why can’t I just be normal?” it can be very depressing. You can feel like you never do anything right and you are never going to get anywhere in life and let me tell you, that really sucks, that pretty much just ruins your whole week. Matter of fact I’m still going through that stage at this very moment, I’ve had a rough week and for the first time in my college student life I had to tell myself you can’t do this on your own anymore, its time to get real disability help. But, there is also a bright side, when you accomplish something that you have struggled with for awhile it makes you feel good that you never gave up and you are glad that you put yourself through all the humiliation and depression to get where you want to be, it is a great feeling to know that you can do it. I think that a lot of people forget about that part, that the only way you can fail is by giving up, and long are you try you can always get where you need to go.

I would to sit here any write some more but I want to save to issues that I would like to talk about later on in my blog. My next blog will touch on the subject about how dyslexia can effect a child through the preteen years.

“Your best friend is yourself but at the same time your best friend is also you worst critic, it’s hard to try and find the balance between finding peace with yourself and still be able to give your self that kick in the pants when you need it but, those you try to be whole are the one’s who will truly succeed in life.”